Sometimes there are ideas that you come across and think: “That’s a stroke of genius and/or Why didn’t I come up with that?” This is how I felt back in December of 2010 upon hearing of the newest adult novelty product “Cream,” a flavored whipped cream infused with 15% alcohol.
The concept is so simplistic; combine whipped cream, an enticing flavor, and alcohol in an ready to use can. What could be wrong with that?
Unfortunately, due to the limited distribution of Cream, and its rival Whipped Lighting, I was unable to sample the wonders of alcohol infused cream out of a can until last December, when I stumbled upon a bountiful selection in Queens’ liquor store. Instantly forgotten was the scotch and bottles of fine wine I had planned to purchase at the store, as my mind contemplated which flavors of Cream to sample first.
Now before going any further, let me state that my fixation on this product rested not with an obsession over alcohol combined with whipped cream. Heck I can make some whipped cream and mix it with a spiced rum any day of the week. But Cream and Whipped Lightening are novelty products which many state government’s have blocked the distribution of. Bowing to human nature and wanting something that was forbidden where I currently reside, I was curious to find out what all the hubbub was about.
With the thought that the flavors of Orange and Raspberry might work best when attempting to pair an alcoholic whipped cream with a spirit or dessert, I purchased a can of each. However, much to my chagrin, I never reached the point of experimenting with Cream’s pairing potential.
Initial test tastes did nothing to make me feel better about the $24 that was spent obtaining two cans of Cream. The backbone of both the Orange and Raspberry was that of artificial flavors which uncomfortably coated the mouth with a most unnatural texture. The subtle essence of alcohol that was present in Cream did nothing to alleviate my thoughts that I had been duped into purchasing a synthetically processed poisonous creation of some evil marketing genius.
The Orange was particularly offensive as it displayed a flavor reminiscent of plastic cement and those of you who have ever constructed model airplanes will know exactly what I’m speaking off.
A regrettably belated investigation of Cream’s label announced just how unnatural this adult whipped cream was as purchasers are discouraged from storing the cans in a refrigerator or cold place. Cream is best stored, used, and consumed at room temp. Reflecting back, I guess the fact that I purchased the cans of Cream from shelf display in front of a cash register should have been a strong warning of things to come.
To be fair, perhaps I purchased two cans that had prematurely expired, had been stored improperly, or simply selected the two worst flavors that Cream has to offer.
Then again perhaps Cream and Whipped Lightening are just another gimmicky product like Adult Chocolate Milk (click here for my review) that is more focused on first time and then repeat buyers. Either way at $12 bucks a can I’m not necessarily interested in finding out where the truth lies.
Grab a can to decide for yourself, but don’t be surprised if disappointment reigns supreme.
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