*This edition of MMH is a joint collaboration between Jed Gray and Joseph Nardone
Remember when we were kids — assuming you are no longer — and the collection of baseball cards that we had? When we used to scour the local card shop to find the rookie card of our favorite player, you know, with our parents money. That time when you found that not-so-elusive Ken Griffey Jr. card, only later to discover that so many were produced the card would never be worth more than eleven-bucks?
Well, most of us have likely grown out of the baseball card collecting phase, focusing instead on collecting wine in bottle or boxed form. It’s just another sign that we’re all getting older — and maybe, just maybe not aging as gracefully as we wished.
However, there is something that could comfort us in the aging process. Something to remind you there are poor souls that have had it worse than you. Mainly a select few professional baseball players from the 1980’s.
Like our High School Yearbooks, a baseball card is a time capsule that everyone but the person in it wants to see. So, let us feel better about ourselves by making fun of others…specifically the unfortunate souls on the following 80’s baseball cards:
On his days off Wilson, a Texas native, moonlighted as a hit man for the Philadelphia based Scarfo crime family.
Spent his off-seasons teaching high school Biology in York, PA.
A pitcher in real life, Vuckovich ended up playing Clu Haywood in the movie Major League. Sometimes a mustache can make a dream come true.
Harold Ramis trying to parlay his Ghostbusting fame to baseball stardom.
Although the future accountant’s baseball career never amounted to much, Kittle became one of the most widely printed and discarded baseball cards of the 80’s.
During the infamous alien infestation of the mid-80’s, MLB was forced to call on certain members of the Men in Black. Brown batted .265 in his career as well as wiping out the memories of nearly a third of the people with his neuralyzer.
Slick Willie…enough said.
Not pictured is a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve, a can of chew in his back pocket and some suntan lotion.
…and if you made it this far, please give us your caption for Mr. Jim Gantner:
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